Man, 22 Sets Record for Crashing New Sportbike
Gardena, CA (UPI) Gilberto Schwartz, 22 of El Cajon, California set a record for shortest ownership of a 600cc sportbike today when he somehow crashed his 2003 Yamaha motorcycle at the split-second he tendered his credit card to make a $200 deposit.
Sources in Yamaha's Hamamatsu factory said Schwartz's bike, serial number 006, suddenly flung itself off the quality-assurance line in building 62A, flying 60 yards across the busy factory and demolishing itself in a messy heap. Factory officials are at a loss to explain the phenomenoa.
"Ja, zis is a happening zat has been therorized, but never seen by human eyes" said Werner Von Broom, a specialist in quantum mechanics at the Max Plank institute in Berlin. "Ze amount of credit extended to such young men does sumzing to the actual fabric of space und time zat can only be explained by hundreds of kilometers of illegible formula. Zis prompts the motorbike to crash as soon as ze ownership process commences."
Schwartz's crash breaks the previous record of Luigi Sung, 19, of Batavia, New York in 1999, when he took delivery of a new Honda 600cc motorcycle. As soon as Mr. Sung signed the title documents in the dealership's sales office, his new purchase inexplicably started itself up, did a 60-foot rolling burnout and high-sided itself over a two story building, landing conveniently in the recycling center next door.
Mr. Sung was paid $2.34 for the aluminum and plastic remains.
The insurance industry has responded with predictable haste.
"We have a new program for risk categories so extreme they bend the laws of space and time" said G. Reed Epigg, spokesman for the National Institute of Insurance Writers "Basically, we have the insured make a one-time payment of the full replacement value of the vehicle, plus a surcharge to pay for our annual luncheon. He usually has to pay this before he considers buying the bike, or it could crash beofre we cash the check."