Psychedellic Drug Ring Uncovered In Spandau Factory
Berlin-(Reuters) German investegators broke up one of the largest-ever psychedellic drug rings in modern German history today in a well-known motorcycle company's design department. 27 arrests were made, including American David "Rob" Robb and over 12 tons of drugs, manufacturing equipment and paraphenallia were seized as well.
"Ja, zis is a very large arrest. It iss ze biggest zince ve uncovered the massive supply of ergot-schpiked sauercraut in Munchen in 1968", said Werner Von Werner-Holscheig, inspektor-kommandant of the BDRGHTRDSKSVKKSK, or Drug Investigation Agency. "It iss a big bust, ja?"
Suspicions were first aroused in 1994, with the introduction of a motorcycle termed the "R1100GS", which was styled as a light-weight off-road motorcycle even though it weighed the same as a Skylab packed full of Shriners. It was followed a year later by the "R1100R", a "standard"-styled bike that had bizzare plastic castings attached to it that appeared to have been stolen from the Hasbro development labs.
Interpool inspector Sir Charles Spitburger, an expert in corporate drug use, was called in by German authorities. When asked what aroused his suspicions, he replied: "It was apparent that psychedellics were somehow involved, as it seemed unlikely that an enourmous corporation with research and development resources the size of Imelda Marco's shoe budget would spend so much effort on frivolities like dome-shaped passenger seats, or somehow come up with a frameless motorcycle that somehow 100 pounds more than a similar motorcycle with a frame. These things are simply not the product of a rational mind."
Mr. Robb looked particularly dissheveled as he was being led away by stout, truncheon-wielding BDRGHTRDSKSVKKSK agents. Dressed in baggy shorts, a pink "Carefree" teeshirt and flip-flops, Mr. Robb chanted mantras in Tibetan. "Namyoko Rhengeko, man, that's all I've got to say. As the ABS cycles, so our customers will reach total oneness with the universe and, like, um, hey, have you ever listened to how a flat-twin engine sounds? No, I mean, really listened?"
Mr. Robb's attorneys have made several motions for the court to provide fruit juice to their client, but have been repeatedly denied by the court, at least untill his pupils dilate, as required by EU law.