Re: Have I covered everything bad about Red State (banjo music playing)
Don't get me wrong, I've been listening to alternative music since its inception. I just wouldn't classify it as sophisticated, since it's the utter opposite of that. The only forms of music less sophisticated than alternative are polka and gangsta rap.
I'll be moving to a red state, then, since they'll have nearly all non-urban-sprawl land, no traffic jams, no air pollution, and nearly all the national parks, not to mention that the blue states will spend half the year frozen and the other half mired in road construction.
You might want to check your facts on mosquitos and obese americans, since 90% of both reside in Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Michigan. We'll enjoy missing out on 100% of wildfires and urban race riots (oh, excuse me, urban renewal).
I hope your citizens can live on wine, cheese, lettuce and fruit, since we'll have the vast majority of the beef, chicken, pork, bread, and corn.
I'm sure that Detroit, Boston, Philadelphia, Milwaukee, and New Jersey will provide the blue states with all the cultural prowess they'll need to impress the rest of the world at your state dinners.
You can keep Hollywood, with its *****-stained sidewalks, drug addicts, and pay-as-you-go bathrooms. You can also enjoy Yosemite, but you'll miss Yellowstone, Glacier, the Arches, the Grand Canyon, Dinosaur National Monument, Mount Rushmore, Devil's Tower, Barringer Crater, the Badlands, the Smokey Mountains, the good half of the Rocky Mountains, and all the ski resorts in Colorado.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in blue states believe John Kerry was actually a war hero, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing abortion or protecting the lives of American citizens against foreign terrorists, 44 percent say that capitalism is only a theory, and 100% of those crazy bastards think they are smarter than the rest of the world because they paid an "educational" institution $100,000 to give them a piece of paper saying so.
Besides, after they confiscate all the guns from the citizens of the blue states, the red states will just invade and take over the blue staters and make them all into slaves.
Whoop-de-do, so I was wrong about the wildfires. In case you didn't notice, I wrote this off the top of my head, without any research. It was meant to be a humorous response, with some factual info thrown in. The sad thing is that what JohnnyB posted probably took someone a month to research and write, while I wrote my response in under ten minutes.
Have you ever been to Wisconsin, Minnesota, or Michigan? The amount of mosquitos there is incredible, and certainly outranks Alaska.
And if John Kerry is a war hero then I guess you can call me a war hero too, since I was injured once due to my own incompetence with fireworks and my injury required much more than a band-aid. Funny enough, though, I don't have a Purple Heart anywhere. Guess I'll have to pay off some administration folks in the Navy and get that taken care of. We all know that it works for some people.
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