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The Roadhouse

There you are, giddy with the thrill of it all. Took a big gamble the Harley Man wouldn’t show up at the Roadhouse. You’ve parked your Asian atrocity cycle in his unspoken reserved spot. And now you’re settled at the Harley Man’s end of the bar, carryin’ on in a grand style what with your stars ‘n’ stripes bandana, cut-off gardenin’ gloves and chaps home-made from river waders. Foaming at the mouth ‘bout being a real biker, a streetfighter and any other counterfeit boast you can make up on the spot. Never mind the only folk you could rustle up to listen to this depraved charade are the village idiot and some trailerpark tramp you’re plying with cheap booze. For an Asian atrocity rider it don’t get better than this, an’ you know it.

You’re fixin’ to take the village idiot out front to show off your atrocity. You’ve done ripped the badge of vulgarity from the tank, so the idiot should fall for it. The tramp from the park better stay put at the bar, you reckon, she’d for sure know it’s not the real thing. Women have their intuition and such. But maybe she’ll believe the idiot.

And then you hear it. It couldn’t be true, it’s gotta be the freight train pullin’ through town. But no, it gets louder real quick, it’s for sure that unmistakable rumble of the mighty Big Twin. The real V-twin, unlike that decrepit farce from some godforsaken land you jerk around on. It roars right up to the front doors, shakin’ the windowpanes, and with a terrifying backfire shuts down.

All bets are off. The Harley Man is here. All your liquor-fed courage melts into a cold sweat. The make-believe swaggerin’ is now outta control tremblin’. The front doors burst open, the music stops and everyone suddenly goes quiet as the Harley Man enters with crushing stomps. There he is, with those beefy ripplin’ muscles, the stance of a prize bull and the scariest scowl you’ve ever done seen. He’s staring right at you and it’s clear you’re fixed for a trouncin’. But it’s really your lucky day after all, as the Harley Man has some drinkin’ to tend to so lets you go with a hefty kick in the ass and the ridicule of all in the house as you crash to the floor. Outside, you find your Asian atrocity cycle hurled into the ditch but you accept the simple justice of that, too.

It might be a spell before you drop by again.

_______________________________

They call me . . . The Highwayman

_______________________________
 

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I am honestly impressed. While I am not terribly interested in cruisers, that was an interesting article. It was not just an ad copy posted to the internet site. Very well done to all the authors involved.



Take care and Happy New Year to everyone,

Dave
 

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Re: Cry woof!

The highwayman is not John Burns! The rest of us, the daunted MO staff, traced his IP address (which is captured at posting time, and thus hooked to the username) back to somewhere far, far away from Los Angeles.

Really! This time we mean it. We're serioius (for once!).
 

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Yoohoo! Highwayman!!

Listen, can we get a ruling on the E-H? I assume the atrocity you were on about above was the Yamaha, but what about the made in USA E-H? I mean, it's not a Harley, but what is Harley Man's take on it? Would he wrap a manly forearm around you while assuming the proud bull stance at the bar or what?
 

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#1: I'm not sure why you reference the city of Eden Prairie, MN as the source of an Excelsior-Henderson motorcycle. I work in Eden Prairie, and there's no factory here. It's about 20 miles southwest in Belle Plain, MN. Kind of sad to see it when I'm driving by on my way to my favorite golf course a few blocks up the road. It appears totally abandoned and neglected, untouched since the day it was emptied of valuables a few years ago.



#2. It really is a pretty nice looking bike.
 

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Re: The Roadhouse

"But it’s really your lucky day after all, as the Harley Man has some drinkin’ to tend to"

Good idea, drink some beer and then ride home. Al least he will exit the gene pool in style on his "mighty Big Twin".

"so lets you go with a hefty kick in the ass"

Probably more like a pat on the ass.

"Outside, you find your Asian atrocity cycle hurled into the ditch"

No doubt from the "terrifying backfire" of the Harley Man's 50hp V-Twin lawnmower engine.

"It might be a spell before you drop by again."

Fine by me. If the Harley Man wants to get drunk with the village idiot and a trailer tramp, he can go right ahead. I'll actually be out riding my bike.
 

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The Highwaymans gotta be gay, right? I mean, he seems to really be into large, beefy guys, and always speaks fondly of them in his posts, as if he wishes he had one for himself. You gotta admit, he does mention big, brawny men in every single one of his posts. I don't think he admires them so just because, well, you know...
 

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Re: The Roadhouse

Hey highwayqueer, did you ever hear that God created man and Winchester made them equal? Well don't you forget that. That would be the day when anybody, no matter how big or bad, wrecks my bike and gets away with it.

Who are you anyway, would you like to meet?
 

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The Toad
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Re: The Roadhouse

I am usually very reluctant to use the label "racist" mainly because it has become so overused as to become nearly meaningless.

But in the Heigh-howayman's case I believe that he is simply a racist of the worst sort. Why isn't THM upset about German bikes? After all, without the Germans Japan would never have attacked the U.S. Worse than that, today in Germany there are still many Nazis spreading their filth. I can't recall seeing any desires of the Japanese to return to their pre-WWII attitudes when I was there in the 70's, except amongst a very small wacko fringe element.

THM's hatred for the Japanese is every bit as psychotic as the irrational hatred of Harleys by another crowd that we see here on MO.

Don't ever ban either element. We need constant reminders that such people exist.
 

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Re: The Roadhouse

>>THM's hatred for the Japanese is every bit as psychotic as the irrational hatred of Harleys by another crowd that we see here on MO.

Don't ever ban either element. We need constant reminders that such people exist.<<

Well said. Plus, they sometimes have entertainment value (although that has been wearing thin of late).

Bob
 

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Re: About the HIGHWAYMAN website

So at least he's somewhat diversified in his weird obsessions, not just a brand-worshipper, but has a dog fetish as well. So glad to see he's not nearly as sick as we all thought he was.
 

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The Highwayman?

It could be. There IS lots O beefy luvin goin on in dem pics. Notice the gen U wine made in the USA trailer that Hog is proudly perched upon.

However, I am still doubtful, as there were no arm-chaps or sneaky leakers in evidence.
 

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The Toad
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(Madeline Kahn's voice) It's twoo it's twoo....

Heh heh. I think it must be him.

Please note the fact that the Highwayman's scoot is on a trailer. A real dedicated biker is THM. The wind blows through his hair..... because he has the A/C at full blast as he hauls it to gatherings of similarly dedicated bikers.

(It's really hard to use a keyboard when your ****atiel insists on walking on it.)
 
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