Dear Gentle Biker,
I can sympathize with your concerns as you bravely face the bewildering choices in this new perplexing fashion universe. Oh, for the simple days of black tires and matching black leather but the Village People ruined that. Thus, we have a feisty rainbow of new tires for your consideration. And therein lies the terror of becoming a fashion victim.
Submitted for you are the following rules to guide your careful choice:
1) White tires may only be worn between Memorial Day and Labor Day.
2) Wearing a red back tire and a black front means youre a "catcher" -- wearing a red front tire and a black rear tire means youre a "pitcher."
3) In general, tire color should complement your bikes tribal motif or your "Fear This" sticker.
4) Mixing the yellow and green tires (commonly known as a "phlegm job") is only for the truly adventurous.
5) Nothing says "Poo poo, Mr. Bush!" like a set of blue tires.
Of course, to ensure a maximum "Wow" factor, replace all your riding gear with patent white leather! The response will be fantabulous, I guarantee it!