News Flash: AMA Unlimited USA-GP Series Announced
By Gabe Ets-Hokin
Pickerington, Ohio- AMA racing officials here today announced a new racing series designed to attract more Harley Davidson fans to GP racing.
Designated "Unlimited USGP", the series will allow any displacement engine, as long as it makes no more power than a stock wide-glide.
"We thought it'd be cool to have some racin' that the fuggin' Japs couldn't, like, win and stuff." said Clem Shepardson, interim director for H-D racing special projects while his brother Jeb is serving six months for parole violation. "Maybe our hogs ain't much in the turns, but maybe it's time racers found out about enjoyin' life, you know, kickin' back. It ain't all about speed, ya know. Anyway, I got the AMA to add the series when I threatened to sue them for using the word "motorcycle", which, apparently, our legal department owns."
When asked if this race series would be yet another example of how Harley Davidson uses it's power in the marketplace to monopolize racing with predictable, uninteresting dog and pony shows, Shepardson responded, "maybe you want your ass kicked, huh, ya little friggin' ******?"
Already, racing teams have responded with exciting designs. Centerville Harley-Davidson is fielding an almost stock machine, save for the addition of bicycle cards in the spoked front wheels and the factory H-D race kit, which consists of number plates and carbon-fiber conchos. "We already got a guy to ride it. Ed from parts says he can make it for the second half of the first race, as long as we can trailer it the first half. He says motorcycles aggravate his shingles. Nobody else here really knows how to ride motorcycles, since we never have actually seen one on the sales floor, so Ed's our only hope, since Miguel Duhamel won't return our calls and Scott Russell said he could never get drunk enough to race a Harley again."
Racing fans are similarly thrilled. Mark Jones, of Spokane washington said he was "thrilled" at the prospect of a new series, untill he realized that it wasn't NASCAR.
"They race motorcycles? Isn't that dangerous? Why would anybody want to watch that?"
The AMA racing department was closed for Australia Day, and could not be reached for comment.