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I haven't had sex in, like 2 years, no wait, 3 years* (gotta' check the date on the receipt). I think sexual frustration is the key to being aggressive on the track. Or maybe it just makes it so you don't care if you get squashed. I'm not positive about this though.





*with a partner
 

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Burnsie,



This is the article I've been waiting for. Thank God! I was really worried 'bout you, son, but now I know you are okay. Just my type--slow, lazy but with a helluva lot of style. Oughta be up for best "short-story-of-the-year." No matter how demented, my kinda guyPlus, you're a Speed Triple type. Indubitably, a living legend in the making. Got my vote, anyway. Cheers, ILAKSMU (Illustrious Leader and All-Knowing Soothsayer of the Motorcycle Universe), aka Jack (-: :)
 

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well john of course you're right....drebber comes off like those one of those people on the home shopping network who've got to say something-for-god's-sake for ten long minutes on the fine points of a pair of pink rayon stretch pants. i get the feeling brian is no more interested in the racing than i am about cher's new wrinkle removing cream---so the question is: who should be doing the color commentary? who would you like to hear? Derek Daly and Paul Page have effectively squeezed every last ounce of pleasure from CART racing in much the same way that i used to splurt pimple fillings on the mirror when i was an adolescent. it could happen to motorcycle racing too. personally i watch the gp bikes just so i can hear the many different and interesting ways that dennis noyes can find to pronounce the names "Rossi" and "Capirossi"

if i may make a suggestion---at the gp races we should put anthony gobert, carl fogarty and lyle lovett up in the broadcast booth, fill the room up with beer, bong and bint and just let them tell us what they're seeing. after 10 minutes or so they'd forget that the world was listening and we'd get the straight skinny. i'd love to get their perspective on rossi.

now who would we get for the WSB races? none of the gp stars speak any brand of english that i'm familiar with, so maybe instead we could bring jay springsteen, ricky carmichael and jay leno and try to create the an atmosphere that would be like maybe they were sitting over at your house having a refreshing beverage or three and holding forth on gary mccoys antics.

you know with all this new technology maybe we could arrange to have optional commentary to go with the video of the race, on the family audio channel we could have drebber and that bunch of twats, and on ESPX we could have the uncensored opinions of a bunch of louts who at least know what they're talking about.

 

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got to love speed

OMG that was funny. classic john, just classic. i cant say much more then that. im still giggling like an idiot. and you have drebber and ski down pat. i swear i could hear sadowsky saying it as i was reading it. and now to greg white..... LOL

thanks, i had a crappy day at work. this made up for it all
 

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Burnsie, you're being outdone by your readers! Reading your article, I was bustin' my belly laughing, then fell off the chair reading Sean's and Itchy's posts.



On a serious note, you gotta wonder about the insane compulsion to win that these guys have. Look at Doohan and Foggy - had to quit after horrible crashes. Then there's Colin Edwards - how does he balance the drive to win with uncanny self-preservation that prevents him from falling off like Xaus?
 

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It's a pity you can't get the British Eurosport satellite feed over there - their GP commentary team is Toby Moody and Julian Ryder who crack me up but also really know their stuff, as lifelong GP fans, plus with Randy Mamola in the pit lane covering the MotoGP class.



For WSB they have Jack Burnicle and Niall Mackenzie (ex GP rider, 4 times BSB champion at the very recent end of his career), which is also pretty funny on occasions.



Meanwhile, the BBC use Suzi Perry as anchor on their WSB coverage, Charlie Cox (Australian, brilliant commentator, ex famous racing driver) supported by Steve Parrish (GP rider in the Sheene/Roberts era, recent truck racer and well known prankster). Again, they do a really good job.



I've watched some of the recycled Speed Channel AMA coverage on 'Motors TV' over here and their commentators all sound like they are doing too much caffeine, but also they don't seem to know WTF they are talking about either...



It's a pity you can't get the British audio feeds over in the states, I think a lot of people would prefer them.







 

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Hayden Commercials

This article does bring up the important question of what the hell is up with that stupid Joe Rocket commercial? Is anyone else seriously distrubed by it? I know I am.
 

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Heh heh. Nice article.



Still, the fact that most sports announcers are idiots is no revelation. Ever listened to Bill Walton? Hannah Storm? Bryant Gumbel's dumber brother? (Now THAT's a feat!)



And what the heck is wrong with living with an overweight ex-Hooter girl?
 

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John's article brings up a point that has been a thorn in my side, whats the deal with Sadowski on Aaron Yates? Instead of being impartial, objective and professional in his comentary he acts and sounds as if him and Yates are really, really good buds... ahem.

Yates is the best, the greatest, the buffest, can do anything and everything better than everybody else and on and on...

And at Mid Ohio while he was waxing poetic about Yates, double A-ron crashed his brains out into a very embarrasing position under the hay bales, now don't get me wrong, I don't want any body to get hurt in this great sport of ours, but I was laughing my but off when that happened. Watch out Ski, Heather Yates looks like she can kick yor ass from Brainerd to Daytona.
 

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Funny stuff Burns. You might want to continue your speedvision commentary around the world's biggest puker, Dave Despain.



He's afflicted with announcer-voice syndrome so bad it's almost hysterical. I worked in broadcasting for several years and we called these types "pukers."



So if you're watching a Speed motorcycle program, put on your rain poncho, Dave's grabbing the mike!



buzz
 

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The Toad
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In the US if you want to get into broadcasting, who you blow is far more important than what you know. Knowing anything about sports is incidental. Now if you are stupid as a rock, but related to Bryant Gumbel then......
 

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We've talked about much the same ideas. Perhaps an ESPN-X, where the commentators really rip it up:



"Holy F#[email protected] [email protected]#t Bob! That pass was [email protected]#$ed!"



"Yeah, that was Boz tellin the girlies "Hey, check it out, my balls are, like, freaking enormous!""



"He's definitely gonna be boinking tonight if he keeps riding like that... and LOOK, Hacking hasn't crashed yet and we're halfway through the race"



"Amazing Frank, I thought for sure that moron would have thrown it down the track by now."



"Hey! I spoke too soon, Hacking highsided himself to Shanghai!"



"No s!#t! What a d!#khead. You can always rely on that dork to shred some fiberglass."



Honestly though, the Speed coverage of GPs is the worst. That freaking idiot spooging himself left and right and erupting with spittle laced inane comments every 10 seconds makes it utterly unpleasant to watch the race.





 

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So the Polaris hype has been shown to the world. No wonder we couldnt figure out what they had hyped as it was many machines made to look like one. Headlights from the Predator ATV, seat from the new Vegas cruiser and probably some shots from their new watercraft to really throw us off. Needless to say it doesnt look like anything we hoped for during our speculation posts. The new Vegas looks like a warrior rip off minus the big can.
 
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