[seruzawa]

It's been a couple hours since we sat through two hours of shaky cam, lens flares, cut-action and overblown CGI so my eyeballs have settled down now.

Why "Star Trek X-M"? Well, there was a scifi movie back in the 50s starring Lloyd Bridges that was named "Spaceship X-M". In it they are flying to the moon and their engines quit and so they stop moving in space. In the latest Star Trek the science is so incredibly bad that I felt this new moniker more appropriate.

Things I learned while watching "Star Trek: X-M"...er I mean "Star Trek: Into Darkness".

1- When a space ship is in orbit and it loses power it immediately starts to fall onto the planet.

2- Things in that space ship fall at a faster rate than the ship itself, allowing scenes of crew members falling long distances to splat on things. I didn't know that freefall acted that way.

3- Superior Khan man blood can raise the dead.

4- Once #3 is discovered naturally the people with the super blood will be frozen and hidden away so no one can raise them like cattle. The govt would never experiment on them. Never.

5- An officer can be changed from Captain to cadet and then to first officer and back to Captain at the whim of an admiral. For that matter Admirals captain starships whenever they want to . Or Not. Apparently in Star Fleet anyone pretty much does what he wants.

6- It is serious threat when someone threatens to "militarize" Star Fleet.... which is a military organization already with phasers and photon torpedoes and neat short skirts for the ladies and stuff.

6A- Considering #5 above "militarizing" Star Fleet might not be a bad idea. At least you would know who was doing what.

7- All important female crew members are superhot. The more educated, the hotter.

8- The movie takes place in 2257. Khan has been in suspended animation for 300 years. So he fought it out with Star Fleet in 1957. Cool!

9- The Gay Pride Parade in Frisco will have to be cancelled in 2258.

10-Naturally when your chief engineer resigns you then transfer a deck officer to chief engineer instead of promoting one of the engineering officers.

11- Never pi$$ a Vulcan off.

12- The target audience for this must be nearly brain dead. It's popularity makes me fear for the future of humanity.

My wife left the theatre feeling insulted. They'd taken the plot of "Wrath of Khan" and removed all the suspense, added CGI, frenetic scenery chewing and cameras without tripods and ended up with a barely coherent mess. The best part of STII was the hide and seek in the nebula. Naturally such things are impossible for today's movie goers who apparently expect a continuous stream of noisy explosions in the vacuum of space.

JJ Abrams gets no more of my movie dollars. Not that it matters that much. But his ST movies basically stink.

 

[seruzawa]

#1 - in all fairness, they've done this at least twice before in Gen II, and I think at least once in Gen I.

#2 - maybe it's the SHIP that's falling faster - people inside it might be falling UP and splortching all-over the CEILING like sacks of wet cement. (yes, I KNOW, I F'N KNOW - I'm playing Devil's Advocate here, not a Doctor, Dammit!)

#7 - at least they got SOMETHING right, yo.

You should recheck your maths on #8.

Oh - and you mis-spelled KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

That's how the REAL James T. Kirk spelzit. Font size and all.

#10 - have you never watched Galaxy Quest? Fake it. Nobody will notice.

#11 - I seem to recall Spock mopping the floor with Kirk on NUMEROUS occasions in Gen I. Literally. Dunk, wringer, figure-8 swirl....

1957, 1857... little dif. Errors are a result of having watched the dammed thing. Watch this crap too much and you get as stupid as it is.

Gen1 and Gen2 didn't spend $150million per episode. In fact each full season of Gen1 cost as much as one episode of Gen2.

 

[seruzawa]

What's unforgivable is Chris Pine.

 

[seruzawa]

Honest, I tried to enjoy it. But when I realized it was a remake of the Wrath of Kahn I just lost any desire to overlook the idiocies. On the plus side I liked the interplay of Spock/Kirk. But really, this is all they can think of? Maybe the next ST will rehash STIV... the other successful one.

Time to put the entire ST concept to bed. It's worn out.

 

[seruzawa]

The last good Sci-Fi Hollywierd made was Chronicles of Rid**** and Pandorum. Since then it's been some pretty thin attempts, lot's of explosions and flash bang, not so much plot and story line.

District9 was quite good.

 

[seruzawa]

Right you are, and nothing to do with Hollywood. The only good movies anymore are from independent or overseas producers.

I forgot it was South African.

I don't know why the new ST annoyed us so much. Maybe because we're getting old. However I still enjoy a good action flick. I just didn't think that this was good. The ripped-off Kahn plot just pissed me off. Normally I'd just ignore the bad science. In any case from Armageddon to
Star Trek JJ Abrams must have one of the longest resume's of stupid movies after Michael Bay and King of Dumb... Roland Emmerich.

 

[seruzawa]

Well, if you're a fan of the Star Wars franchise, prepare to be pissed off again.....

J.J.'s at the controls for THAT one as well. Three more (with options for three more after those!).

"No! NO! That's Impossible!"

<clutches nub of hand to chest, then jumps>

Not only that. But George Lucas is going to be involved too.

 

[seruzawa]

Meh. I kind of enjoyed it as an action comedy. Mostly because I've come to accept that JJ Abrams has no respect for logic, internal coherency, plot or the barest shade of discipline in writing. After the lazy mess that was Lost, there's nothing he can do that would shock me in its casual, slovenly disregard.

Well, except one thing. Seru, you forgot the biggest whopper of all, and it was in the first ten minutes. The Enterprise, a starship incapable of atmospheric flight, not only does so, but also has gained the ability to submerge under water. When I saw that, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if a million nerds scoffed at once and were suddenly contemptuous.

Actually I noticed it but didn't want to end up with 100 things to list.

In Gen1 the Enterprise did enter atmosphere in one episode. However spaceships are airtight, but not proofed against water pressure. When submerged the lower part of the ship would be under intense pressure even if the upper part was near the surface. The seals are designed to keep air pressure inside, not keep water outside. Oh wait, they are FUTURE air seals that can stand up to anything. And the hull metal is FUTURE armor that can withstand extreme water pressure.... but not weapons fire.

Note also that the renegade Starship at the end would have probably broken up when it slammed into Earth's atmosphere. And you'd have had thousands of kinetic energy weapons striking Frisco instead of one big one.

So far we've put about 1000 times more thought into this than JJ Abrams ever did.

At first I was enjoying it up until they revealed that it was just a remake of Wrath of Khan. What a buncha lazy mofos.

At least the chicks were hot.