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Super Duper Mod Man
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If I want a bike to handle well, I won't buy a cruiser. I'll buy a sportbike. If I want a cruiser, I'll get the real thing. It's like asking if you want to buy an imitation Fender Strat. Why on earth would anyone want one? You only end up with crap like that if you can't afford the real thing.
 

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Hell yes. Put a little Griso in it, mix in some Eliminator, make the pegs adjustable so that I can put my feet under my butt and out in front if I want, make it handle and stop like my Mean Streak, put a 5.5 gallon tank on it. Make it a triple, not a four, make it shaft drive. Screw it. I'll keep what I got.
 

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I got a much better idea, create a phantom version of a 80's style power cruiser based on a hyperbike, advertise it as having 25 horsepower, and give it a good cruiser name, like Suzuki Hayadoin, or Kawasaki Big Dork, Star Planet of the Apes, whatever. Circulate specs to all the insurance companies, and then sell the customer the unadulterated hyperbike with magnetic removable name plates, enabling customer to register their bikes as low and slow cruisers, thereby saving a bundle on insurance.
 

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I was following your recipe exactly 'til you got to the "screw it" part. How do I do that? I can't find that procedure in any of the maintenance-manuals..........
 

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Well, my Meanie has two lovely exhaust pipes. They are, however, mounted very close to the ground. My back and knees preclude me from taking advantage of this opportunity. I'm thinking one of those Sears bike lifts would put them in just the right position.
 
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