I, Robot
It displays a man or woman's face (your choice)? This would fool exactly the same demographic that thinks Civics are faster with wings on back. No, no, I want Robbie saying "Danger, Will Robinson!" during the entire process. When the drink is presented, I want "We are the BAR, you will ingest this tasty intoxicant...Resistance is futile." Because really, 12 to 14 seconds is enough to be slightly-funny-to-mildly-irritating, no more. The best and most natural thing of all is to bring back Max Headroom. Also, the video for Dire Straights' Money for Nothing could be constantly played on request as a screen-in-screen feature.
You can't flirt with it?! WTF lame-O kind of defense is THAT, Mr. Trendy NYC Club Owner? Who really believes that flirting with a female, working a bar, in New York is gonna get you laid?! Please refer to faster Civics, above. HAL9000 also can't water your drink if it doesn't like the look of you. It can't tell you your party is too big to sit at the bar, or be a surly b17ch if it's boyfried just walked in with a new slimline toaster.
Why is no one building robots to do the crappy grunt work of restaurants and bars? Surely, robots could save money in the kitchen and cleanup arenas, and bring virtually every establishment in the nation into compliance with current immigration law. Or will illegal hispanics still be the dishwashers and bus-boys? I know someone out there is prepared to argue that we can't credibly control our borders on the basis that there are jobs robots just won't take.
What do you do if the barkeep offers you your choice of red drink or blue drink? Which drink do you take? And if we do this with bartenders, do we have to bring back Peter Weller and Maximilian (from Disney's Black Hole) to be bouncers?