In a violent campaign to out-hyperbole each other's hyperbole, moto journalists have reached a hyperbole critical mass in which no more hyperbolic adjectives or adverbs can be concieved.
Top motojourno officials are considering a desperate, last-minute switch from cliche hyperbole to "ridiculously vague metaphors" to fill the gaps between re-hashed manufacturer press-release marketing jargon in their "articles". Mitch Boehm was "perched atop a motorcycle, rather than sitting in it" and therefore could not be reached for comment.
In an extraordinary show of unity between moto journalists, the editors of BIKE magazine are considering sending a delegation to Los Angeles to teach the use of "negative" words to the magazine community. The journalists in attendance will learn how to convert mealy-mouthed phrases like "The helmet lock can be a little difficult to use" to a more accurate description, such as "The bloke who designed the bloody helmet lock ought to have a full face shoved up his arse." Phrases such as "the suspension uses components of moderate quality" will be changed to "on rough pavement this bike rides like a hobby horse being piloted by a four year old on a triple dose of amphetamines." Journalists will also learn how to block out the whines and moans coming from the ad sales department.
... Gabe brings up a good point. Writing a motorcycle (or automotive) piece is a lot like writing a love song. It's really all been said before, which makes it extremely tempting to just get lazy and regurgitate the same crap, cash the check and go buy some beer. The handful of original voices, such as John Burns, who bring a distinctive style and point of view to their work are all too few and far between. It ain't easy folks. But it sure does help to have readers like Gabe pitching in and bringing a DIY approach to the situation. Frankly, I almost always enjoy the wild and unruly reader feedback food fight at MO more than the "professional" print zine's unending buffet of lockstep dogma.
OK guys, I am getting withdrawls. How many weeks has it been since the last shootout or even a review? I miss those great photos, videos. But most of the all the hard hitting, wheelie popping reporting that can only come from MO.
I got a good lesson in that last week riding and then writing with you guys...it IS really hard. But I think writing honest impressions of the bike you rode, from a layman's perspective, is what the readers really want...as long as they feel you rode it as hard or harder than they ever would.
If this is Karaoke, I'll sing Billy Paul instead of Johnny Cash...
This requires a free-market capitalist solution, an approach which has brought more happiness and prosperity to humanity than any well-intentioned but ultimately misery-prolonging redistribution of resources.
Someone needs to lure British motojournalists to America and put them to work on a new motorcycle mag. American writers will be exposed to edgy, irreverent, expansive and entertaining moto-reviews, and will be forced to compete. Those who cannot adapt will die.
Free-market capitalism rocks. Anyone who disagrees should be shamed into ceasing their parasitic enjoyment of the fruits of the system and ride Urals instead.
Free market capitalism....right! Just ask the fun loving guys at Aberchrombe and Fitch what happened when they tried to get irreverent. The blue nosed, puritanical, "Christian" right were gathering wood for an old fashioned witch hunt in short order. Reading the editorial comments of the management of the 2 leading motorbike mags one might be forgiven for checking the cover to see if by chance one had picked up the National Review by mistake(see MB comment re Hillary Clinton in a thong in latest issue of Motorcyclist for a start). Is it any wonder that JB got the boot. No edgyness here buddy! Just right thinking. Ya see, British motorjournalists are lucky to live in a post-christian society not one thats guilt ridden. What all this has to do with motorcycling I haven't worked out yet.