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You don't have to be a rocket science to analyze the data on thefts and come to the only possible conclusion: there are per capita more retired dentists living in the Honolulu metro area than any other major metropolitan area, especially retired orthodontists. Their contribution to the high rates is two-fold: First, many have inhaled too much nitrous oxide over their careers and can no longer remember to even remove the keys from their bikes, let alone lock them, resulting in easy pickins' for thieves. Second, those retired dentists without brain damage are well aware of this first group and have formed a nefarious gang of bike thieves called the Dental Mongols, who wait each weekend to attend the barbecues of the impaired dentists, pretending to be their friends, all the while planning for large trucks they have hired, to haul away the many unlocked bikes in the front driveway, while everyone else is inhaling leftover nitrous in the backyard. They then ship the bikes to Macau where they are stripped, refinished and sold as Korean bikes. You can never trust a dentist.
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