I qualify as a big, fat guy with a Valk, but I've only gotten the front tire up with a passenger on the back. I try to avoid putting a 1,000 pound (rider + bike) vehicle on one wheel for some strange reason.
Reminds me of the time my wife had the bright idea to catch a mouse with one of those sticky traps. Trouble is it worked but my wife felt sorry for the mouse and tried to remove the mouse from the sticky stuff. The mouse bit here and then her fingers stuck to trap and the mouse bit her again. Now I had to use my hands to remove my screming wife and squealing mouse from the trap. I then had to put the mouse in a box to take to the wife to get tested for rabies. So a using $2.00 trap turned into a $100 vet bill. Soon after we got a cat problem solved.
I recall seeing a pic of a Valk doing a decent wheelie when they came out a few years back. But in order to do that with such a long wheelbase, it may not be able to do a roll on. More likely that the rear would light up, step out, and he would highside. At any rate, it's very unlikely that it would do 80 without a gear change. That speed in first is reserved for Hayabusas and 12R's.
And it's damn near impossible to stay on a bike that is doing any of this with one hand.
I've used those sticky traps before and encountered the same issue of what to do with mice that were trapped, but still alive. After about 2 minutes pondering my options, I put the entire trap (with mouse still stuck to it) in a large ziplock bag and delivered one swift blow to the mouse's head with the trusty old Stanley hammer. End of problem and no vet bills.
Well, Maybe if he rewrote the story to be about half as long, then it would be funny. But as is I had too much time to conclude the implausibility of it. Then I felt cheated especially because I liked the first part.
If there are going to be babes and beer then I don't care if they are celebrating "Hodaka, A Modern Legend."
At least neither Suzuki nor Yammerhammer are going to celebrate by providing only two septagenarian clog dancers for entertainment. Heck, they might even bring over some of those delectable Japanese umbrella girls and a load of Asahi Beer! Hubba hubba!